Sparkly Vampire
by Cranberries
Summary: Summary inside, Crack Fic in which I bash the worshiped character known as Edward Cullens.


Summary: Edward Cullens goes to a Halloween party specifically for the many creatures of the night…unfortunately he becomes the laughing stock and butt of many jokes.

((AN: Yeah….I may read the Twilight series…but I don't necessarily like it. It's too sappy and Bella just needs to get run over by a truck. This story is soully for those Twilight fans who have a sense of humor. With help from my mom, who loves vampire stories (just not this one) and I button I saw at school.))

Edward entered the crowded warehouse, it was jam packed with various were-creatures, vampires, and other strange creatures he did not necessarily know the names of. For you see, the Cullens had received an invitation to a Halloween party for the various creatures of the night. Edward decided to go while the rest of his family decided not to. Carlisle gave Edward a brief warning that…well…he should be a bit cautious; Edward just shrugged off his warning. Boy he should have heeded it.

A tall women dressed in a showy black gown approached the Cullens.

"Hey kid, should you even be here?"

"I was invited."

"Sure, that's what all the wanna-be's say."

"What was that?" Edward growled out.

"You know, little kids who act like the big bad baddy's in the night." She said, ruffling his hair.

"I'm not a human, if that's what you're implying."

She grinned at him, revealing her sharp canines, "Oh really, and what are you supposed to be?"

"I'm a vampire."

"Really? Okay, what's one true thing about vampires then?" she asked, hands on hips.

Edward grinned, he knew the answer to this; the one thing that separated vampires from humans.

"Real vampires sparkle."

The whole room became quiet.

The woman in front of him had a dumb struck look on her face.

"You can't be serious."

"Did he just say real vampires _sparkle_?"

"Hey kid, you steal your sisters body glitter or something?"

"I was expecting something like 'We are immortal', 'We drink blood' or 'We have fangs' not 'We sparkle'." The woman said, with a grin gracing her pretty face.

A big burly man stepped over, "Hey, Cherry, did he just say what I think he said?" he asked in a deep voice, Edward note that he was a were-wolf.

"Yes Sambie, he just did."

Sambie stepped close to Edward and eyed him, "What-ca get bit by? Twinkle Bell?" he asked.

The room erupted with laughter.

Edward glared at the man, "No." he growled out.

"Hey man, no need to get all spooky." Sambie said, waving both his hands up in a version of mock surrender, "Anyway, what would you do, sparkle me?"

More laughter followed, Cherry looked almost like she couldn't stand with how hard she was laughing.

Edward glared at everyone who was staring, a little gremlin like creature skittered over to him, holding a flashlight. He shown it on Edwards hand and yelled gleefully "I see some sparkles!!"

This just caused more laughter.

Edward turned and stormed over to the punch bowl, he had some woman (probably a were-leopard) lean over and purr out "Do you sparkle "everywhere"?" using her fingers as the exclamation points.

For most of the night he stayed by the food table with a glass of punch, until a slightly smaller mousy man walked over.

"Hey, you that vamp who sparkles?" he asked.

"Yes." Edward growled out.

"Awesome, HEY ANYONE HAVE ANY ROPE? I think we can have that disco ball Anthony wanted!" he yelled out.

Someone in the mosh pit that was at the center of the room launched both arms in the air and yelled "WOO!" This was probably the Anthony guy the other one mentioned.

"And how would you do this?" a voice yelled.

"Easy, hang him by the feet from the ceiling, shine some lights on him and spin him around, vola! Disco Ball!" he said.

Various beings laughed.

"Hey! Don't spin him to hard because it just might start raining sparkly dust!" Edward recognized the voice of Sambie as more laughter erupted in the room.

Edward could feel his anger rising and decided to leave, so he left as elegantly as he could…meaning he stormed out.

He walked out to the parking lot and to his Volvo. Once he got in he heard someone yell, "HEY! Even his car is sparkly!"

"He probably jumped all over it to make it that way!" Another yelled, causing more laughter.

Edward sped his way home, and stormed into the Cullen's manor.

Carlisle looked up from the paper he was reading, "So how was the-"

SLAM.

"-party?"

((AT THE PARTY))

A gremlin, some black bat like creature, and a smaller were-wolf sat at a table,

"Hey I heard that sparkly vampire left."

"Pfft, sparkly?Now that's a shame to all the vampires here."

"Hey guys…I wonder if he sparkles "everywhere""

"Okay, now you're just perverted."

"No seriously! Lets check it out." The gremlin said, shoving a back at the were-wolf and darting from the building.

"Last time I hang with you fools." He muttered.

"Hey stop your whining!" the black bat like creature growled out and chased after the gremlin.

They reached a house.

"I wonder if he lives here."

"Of course he does, one thing you learn about vamps is they like the obviously snazzy houses."

"He does have a point." The bat thing growled out…it almost sounded like he had a frog in his throat.

The trio looked through various windows, until they found the one that belonged to the famous fearsome Sparkly Vampire.

"Okay just wait,"

Edward sighed, tonight was not the most entertaining night of his life. He decided to change his clothes, well off goes the t-shirt he wore, then his shoes, socks, pants, by now the trio held there breaths, off goes the boxers and on goes three high powered lights from Edwards window. Edward spun in surprise, which turned to anger when he heard a gravely voice yell, "OH MY GOD IT DOES!!"

Edward grab his pants pulled them on, grabbed his alarm clock and chucked it at the window in which he heard someone yell, "WAIT TILL WE TELL THE OTHERS!"

Great, just what he wanted to hear.

((AN: (takes a deep breath) MAN! I can smell the hate mail (evil grin) Remember folks! Crack Fic's are supposed to bash the crap out of characters, liked or not liked, and most importantly…..HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!))


End file.
